Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I see your stares, I hear your whispers..

I made this picture of Trey just a few days ago.  I love this picture.. it shows him with such expression!  I love the words too because unfortunately it is something we have to deal with all the time.  Little did I know how appropriate it would become this week.  While I was at work today, my husband sent me a text:
David:  Took Meg home and found two ABC foam letter sets at Salvation Army for $.99 each for Trey.

Me:  Oh boy, more letters! lol

David:  So those letters I  bought let do a meltdown at the grocery store.. I swear everybody looked at him.  I never felt so many disapproving eyes on me in my life.  I didn't notice he dropped the letters and he screamed like he was being hurt.

Me:  Disapproving eyes?? Who?

David:  Trey was screaming and thrashing in the shopping cart.  His letters had fallen under a shelf and I didn't see them and like 10 people just stared and shook their heads.  It was like they were thinking Trey was spoiled and out of control.

Me: Oh, that makes me so mad!  Maybe I should print off those "My child is Autistic" cards to hand out?  Other parents do.

David:  I was very mad.  We left right away.  I'm calm now...

Trey has been better about shopping. As long as the trip is fairly quick and he has a sippy cup, Thomas train, or a few ABC letters to occupy his time, he does pretty well.  But it's a fact.. meltdowns will happen sometimes.  Now that he is almost 3 and not a little baby, we certainly notice the stares and judging looks from other people.  It makes us angry.. and defense mode kicks in.  You just want to go off on them and tell them why when they roll their eyes or shake their heads in judgement, just how wrong they are!!  But we don't.. because all our attention is on our son and what we need to do to help him in that moment.

So, yes.. I think it's time to print off some cards. I think it's another step towards Autism awareness that needs to sometimes be taken into our own hands as the parents of Autistic children.  The actions of the ignorant does make us very angry.. but most of all it hurts deeply.

It hurt my husband today.  He said he was very mad.. but I knew it hurt him too.  When I got home from work, he shared something he wrote earlier in the day after the grocery store incident.

NO BETTER (written by Trey's Daddy)

I see your stares, I hear your whispers,
It’s apparent you think I am a bad parent.
You think my child is so bad, just because he is screaming mad.
I just tell myself you know no better.

His ABC’s have fallen where I can’t see.

He screams and kicks because he wants his letters.
Why are you so upset? He doesn’t know no better.

Your stares continue, your whispers remain
God, Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane.
I wanna scream he’s Autistic!
Why do I always get so ballistic?

Lord grant me the patience

to handle the ignorance.

Just like Trey, they know no better.
Daddy's boy <3 br="br">

These words brought tears to my eyes.  I could feel the hurt and I understood how he felt.  Our little boy means the world to us.. he is beautiful, smart, and has the best sense of humor.  He is Autistic and we wouldn't want him any other way.  It's time to stand up for him!


  1. Awesome post! One of the things I did when my kids were little and in the front of the shopping cart was I would wrap the bar with contact paper so the sticky part was on the outside. This kept my kids occupied and we lost far greater treasures that they brought into the store because they stuck to the contact paper. Great addition from your husband!

  2. I LOVE this post!! I'm totally sharing!! I have been there before and I think all parents of autistic children have been also. People don't realize how much their stares hurt. So sorry your husband has had to experience this.

    1. I guess we shouldn't care what others think.. but when it comes to our kids and them being misunderstood, it does!! Thanks for sharing :)